Ass Masters of America

Ass blasting is the new craze hitting Gen B right now. By simply eating a ton of beans and holding in your farts, you too can have the newest ass hitting American streets by storm.

We interviewed a "certified Ass Master" for tips and tricks for this new fad for the perfect tush.

TT: Thanks for taking the time for this interview. America is simply buzzing about this new craze.

AM: And thanks for having me. I'll admit, and the other Ass Masters agree, we never expected this to blow up like it had.

TT: So tell me, how did this new fad come about?

AM: Well, I can't nail down the specifics, you know, Ass Masters Code and all that...

TT: Of course, of course.

AM: But I can tell you that one person, our Ass Overlord Supreme, had started posting about this new way to stop exercising and tone up your butt with ease. The rest is history as more people tried his methods and got results that just couldn't be disputed.

TT: Fascinating. And just how did you start Ass Blasting?

AM: Funny story. I actually thought the whole thing was a joke at first, but then thought, what the hell! Might as well give it a try! So I started eating 6 cans of chili per hour, 12 hours straight, and held in my farts and poops for the whole day.

TT: Wow! And this worked? What else do you have to do?

AM: Well the trick is to hold all of it in all day and then take one massive dump at the end of the day. Let me tell you, holding all of that gas and weight in all day activates muscles you normally wouldn't use under that amount of pressure. It's the only way to get the results you want without any of the work that would normally go into it.

TT: And you've kept up with it! The will power of the youth today is simply astounding.

AM: Well I was going to give it up in the beginning, and then my girlfriend made a comment about my butt being almost too painful to look at and I thought it was the sign to keep on going if it was working so well!

TT: Incredible! Well thank you so much for your time and for filling America in on this hot new trend. Did you want to give a shout out to your girlfriend for the website?

AM: My ex now actually...

TT: Ah.

Take it from the mouth of a real Ass Blaster, the results speak for themselves.